guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
