The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
