the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
