i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
