Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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