I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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