you guys were way drunker than both of me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
