so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
