ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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