I swear she didn't look like that last week.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
True strength comes from lack of pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
