how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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