as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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