i would punch a child for taco bell
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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