i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
