I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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