Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize