is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
