Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
