thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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