There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
