did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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