my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
