Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize