I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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