people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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