trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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