I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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