im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
