How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
