Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
