She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
