i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
