my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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