I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
