margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
