Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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