it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
