Your face is a jimmy john
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
