This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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