He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
