I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
