I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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