Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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