Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
