I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
