Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
