Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
