You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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