I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
