my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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