yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
