she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
