I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
