Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
