so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
