I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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