so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
