So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
