Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
