i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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