Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
