He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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