I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
