i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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