Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize